Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
