at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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