and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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