I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
