Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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