where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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