I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
