that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
