For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize