Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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