The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
