I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
