just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
