she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
