Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
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Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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