I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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