I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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