I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
