turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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