I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
