Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Green mimosas i think yes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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