Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
His hands were made for my vagina.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Boobs speak an international language.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
