Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dignity is for republicans.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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