i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
