Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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