9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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