He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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