the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
