am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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