bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
