Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
