So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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