The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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