You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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