I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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