I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
