I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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