There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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