he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
