Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
