I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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