we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
