Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
