it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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