Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
