okay pat passed out under dana's car
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
