remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
