Where is the hickey?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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