I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
