Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
