I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
