We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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