Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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