he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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