I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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