how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
