There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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