you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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