oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
