I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
