She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
