pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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