A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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